So you ask me about Ottawa....

Some say:
"Hooray! The Dominator Is Here
To wipe away the shame
Of each Sens playoff year"
But I say:
"Brava! You've given him your hope
But don't you dare forget
He's older than the Pope"

So it would seem that ever since that gloomy evening the Ottawa Senators signed the Dominator (also known as Dominic Hasek), my phone has been ringing off the wall, with members of various sports organizations and journals demanding my professional opinion on this matter. It goes without saying that I’m an Ottawa fan – in fact, next to the Canucks, the Senators are my favourite sports team in the whole wide universe.

But how can I feel anything but anxiety, mingled with some grief, at this new turn of events. First my beloved Senators deliver a pink one to Lalime – sending him off to a franchise that could drain the lifeblood out of the most potent of superstars. And poor Lalime – a guy who has been a breath of fresh air in the midst of playoff tragedy (with the exception of game 7 of his most recent round, of course). And then they go and spend Lor’ knows how much (probably in the area of 8 or 9 jig) to sign a “wily ol’ veteran” whose only boast is a Stanley Cup ring with a group of players who would have been hung and beaten with long wooden objects if they had done anything but win (as you’ll remember, the Red Wings of 2002 were what was known as a “team to reckon with”). No, I haven’t forgotten that his career save percentage is one of the best of all time. I’m even willing to concede that in his youth, this was a man who knew something about puck stoppage. But did anybody happen to check out how old this guy is? That’s right! THIRTY – FREAKING – NINE! Enough said.

So, now Ottawa finds itself in a real pickle. They’ve let go of a guy who they’ve been diligently developing for years now, only to sign (to a multi-year contract, I might add) a prehistoric Czech with a history of groin ailments (anybody remember what happened to Detroit last year?). And as humble fans, we are left with two options – we can turn sour and stop supporting the team, or we can cheer anyway, pretending that the acquisition of this dinosaur affects us in no way, working hard to keep a smile on our face, as we die a little bit more inside with each passing hour.

Now, before anybody goes running to their telephones to tell all their friends how harsh I’ve been in my judgements, take note of one thing: I am exaggerating a little. I am willing to acknowledge that Dominic Hasek is a very fluky goalie. I’d even go so far as to say that he’s the luckiest goalie who ever played the game. Being the game’s most blatant flopper, and having a reputation for constantly appearing confused and out of control, it would be difficult to attribute his success to anything but luck. Now lets all just offer up our prayers that his luck will hold Ottawa through four rounds of Stanley Cup contention.

This post has been brought to you by Pei Yusei