File under: "Worst Judge Ever"

Judge Spares Man Convicted of Sexually Assaulting a Child, Saying He Is Too Small to Survive in Prison

Yep, you read that right.

SIDNEY, Neb. May 25, 2006 (AP)— A judge said a 5-foot-1 man convicted of sexually assaulting a child was too small to survive in prison, and gave him 10 years of probation instead.

I wonder how small the child was? Guess that doesn't matter.

His crimes deserved a long sentence, District Judge Kristine Cecava said, but she worried that Richard W. Thompson, 50, would be especially imperiled by prison dangers.

"You are a sex offender, and you did it to a child," she said.

But, she said, "That doesn't make you a hunter. You do not fit in that category."

So exactly what category does he fit into? The category for "Royal Shitbags"? How about the one for "Useless Wastes of Human Flesh"? Oh! I know, "Pedophilic Sex Offending Criminal!"

Thompson will be electronically monitored the first four months of his probation, and he was told to never be alone with someone under age 18 or date or live with a woman whose children were under 18. Cecava also ordered Thompson to get rid of his pornography.

And keep it down to a half-sack of beer and a joint per night, would ya? Or is that too much to ask?

He faces 30 days of jail each year of his probation unless he follows its conditions closely.

What he should face, is a severe beating at the hands of a hardened prison inmate named "Butch". Give him a taste of his own medicine.

"I want control of you until I know you have integrated change into your life," the judge told Thompson. "I truly hope that my bet on you being OK out in society is not misplaced."

So does every kid in his neighbourhood.

D'argh, this wasn't how I wanted to start my morning...