Thursday, December 23, 2004

That was one heck of a party!

Women Allegedly Assault Man With Tongs

How can you resist a headline like that?

SAVANNAH, Ga. Dec 22, 2004 — Police are looking for two women they say sexually assaulted a man with a pair of cooking tongs in a drug-related attack.
Savannah-Chatham Metropolitan police say the victim, a 25-year-old man, awoke Saturday morning with a metal object protruding from his body.

I wonder what part of his body the metal object was "protruding" from? m'heh.

The victim, who police say was using cocaine at the time, told police he does not remember much of what happened.

That's probably for the best. I wouldn't want to remember it either.*

He told doctors he was drinking and using cocaine at his mobile home Friday night when he saw two women outside his home and invited them in.

Drinking: check; Drugs: check; Mobile Home: check. Color Me Shocked.

The victim's cousin took him to Memorial Health University Medical Center Saturday after he complained of pain. Doctors surgically removed an object identified as "one half of a pair of food tongs," and turned it over to police.

I'd hate to be the poor cop that has to dust it for fingerprints.

The two women are wanted on aggravated sexual battery charges, but police say they aren't having much luck finding them.

So for all you Southerners, be on the look out! A pair of tong-weilding maniacs are on the loose!

"We have no descriptions of the women, being that (the victim) is not cooperating with the police," police spokesman Sgt. Mike Wilson said. "And there's little we can do to urge cooperation."

I could think of a few things that might urge a little more cooperation out him.

"Hey Dave, are ya done fingerprinting that tong? We need it over here a minute..."
"Baaah! No! Nooooo! I'll talk, I'll TALK! Anything but that!"