Saturday, December 18, 2004

Those Communists sure are Progressive

What in the world???

Student Wins China Plastic-Surgery Pageant

"I'm so happy... I... *sniff* I... errr... my tear ducts aren't working, but I'm really happy!"

BEIJING Dec 18, 2004 — A 22-year-old student who has had cosmetic surgery on her eyelids and cheeks was crowned the winner Saturday of China's first pageant for such "manmade beauties."

From each according to his ability... to each according to his looks...

Feng Qian received a $6,000 country club membership after being picked from among 20 finalists, who ranged in age from 18 to 62.

It was discovered later on that the 62 year old woman was none other than Michael Jackson.

Surging numbers of newly prosperous Chinese are going under the knife after decades of communist austerity, seeking shapelier noses, fuller breasts and other features.

"austerity"??? Is that what they are calling it now? Tell that to this guy. He looks pretty "austere" to me.

Competitors had to submit proof that they had undergone surgery. Sponsors included Chinese makers of cosmetic surgery products. The contest had a talent show and evening gown and swimsuit competitions.

As well as the ever-popular "switch-noses-for-a-day" competition.

One contestant, Liu Xiaojin, was (sic) a 21-year-old transsexual who was a man until three years ago. She shared a prize for Best Media Image with the retiree, Liu Yulan, who has had a facelift and three other procedures.

I wonder how many "procedures" it took to change Mr. Liu into Ms. Lucy Lu.

Organizers said 90 women from other countries, including the United States and Japan, applied to compete. But they said the non-Chinese applicants were deemed not serious enough about the contest or had language or scheduling problems.

Foul! Foul! No Fair! Foul! The contest was fixed! I demand a recount! Hanging Chads! Disenfranchized Voters! Absentee Ballots!!! DIEBOLD VOTING MACHINES!!! YYYEEEEAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!11!!!1!!

The government says China's cosmetic surgery industry took in $2.4 billion last year.