Sunday, December 05, 2004

A Fine Fisking for a Sunday Morning

U.S. army deserter wants to stay in Canada

Fantastic! That's exactly what we need in Canada, more of these spineless jellyfish.

TORONTO - Canada's Immigration and Refugee Board will hear Monday why Jeremy Hinzman, a former paratrooper with the U.S. army, should be granted refugee status in Canada.

Rather than serve in Iraq, Hinzman deserted the army and came to Canada in January seeking sanctuary in a Quaker hall outside Toronto

I've got an idea: Why doesn't he just paratroop his candy ass to France. Refugee status? What is he seeking refuge from? It must be the squalid conditions he faces living under the BushCheneyRumsfeldHalliburtonRove dictatorship. When will those silly Americans learn! If only they would follow our lead and implement vast wealth-distribution and publicly funded social programs. Then no one would have to live in squalor.

He considers the Iraq conflict immoral and illegal and while he refuses to speak his mind until his hearing is over, back in July, Hinzman, 25, put his position into perspective: "My life isn't that significant, but also it's not so worthless as to be killed or to go kill innocent people."

So... uhhh... don't kill any innocent people then. Just the terrorists will do fine. Flipping burgers at the Arby's in downtown Toronto isn't exactly an overly significant role either, but it's about all your good for now (no offense to burger- flippers out there).

Canada has not granted refugee status to American citizens in the past, but Hinzman's supporters are counting on a precedent in international law to help the American.

It's nothing against Americans, but here in Canada we generally don't accept you as a refugee because living in America is ACTUALLY BETTER THAN LIVING HERE!

Gerry Cordon, a Hinzman supporter, says a soldier who refused to fight in Saddam Hussein's army in the invasion of Kuwait, successfully sought refugee status.

Oooooooohhhhhhh! Now there's a precedent! I could spend three hours dealing with this one quote alone. Sufficed to say, Hussein invaded Kuwait because he is a megalomaniacal dictator who wanted more beachfront property (because 50 palaces isn't quite good enough), and who was getting tired of gassing, raping, and torturing his own countrymen. He wanted to spread the love to other nations as well. Any lawyer who would use that case as a precedent is a stark-raving moonbat of the highest order.

To help his client, Hinzman's lawyer plans to present evidence of a systematic pattern of U.S. war crimes in Iraq,

like restoring electricity, getting internet connections fully functional (minus the secret police to monitor and confiscate what is doubleungood), rebuilding a shattered economy, putting people to work...

including attacks on civilian population centers,

guarded by terrorists in civilian clothing carrying kalishnakov's and rocket-propelled grenades.

and the torture and murder of prisoners, at Monday's hearing.

"prisoners" who wave the white flag in surrender and then begin shooting. "prisoners" who fein death in order to cause havoc when their captors aren't watching. "prisoners" who drive car bombs into checkpoints. "prisoners" who view women as only slightly less valuable than your average dung beetle.

The board will also hear eyewitness testimony of the killing of Iraqi civilians from former Marine Sgt. Jimmy Massey.

Massey, who served in Iraq, says he's witnessed instances of civilians being shot – not as a mistake, but with cold deliberation.

Cold Deliberation? Isn't that what jurors in Canada have to endure when the courtroom thermostat isn't working?
And is it just me, or is an "eye witness" of such things actually an accomplice? Why didn't he say/do anything about it at the time? I dunno, maybe it's not important to ask such questions.

As far as I'm concerned, this guy can stay in Canada. I'm sure he'd find Grise Fiord nice this time of year.